"I embrace your legacy, the models and the apathy."

I feel apathetic. I am apathetic.

And I was just lecturing my friends about that. Because this idiotic jerk shoved his way into the group while I was at ASMS. No one likes him. Like I said, he's an idiot and a jerk. He was talking about giving Jeremy food poisoning so he could play Jeremy's solo at the football game Friday. Jamie insists he was joking, but I don't think he was. I got the impression that if he had the means to poison Jeremy, he wouldn't hesitate. So no one likes him, but they're all caught up in being nice to him, because, as Jamie put it, "I'm a nice little Baptist girl." Okay, so maybe they weren't being apathetic, but they were being passive. So I told them they were being idiots, but in a nicer way. Jamie refuses to tell the Jerk that she doesn't want him around though, so he'll still be with us.

I guess I'm still a little pissed aboout that, but overall I'm still quite apathetic. Fine. Go ahead and tear the group apart. It doesn't really matter anyway.

My main subject of apathy is Jonathan. It's hard to explain. I still love him; I always will. I still want him, too, but it's a vague ache that's become so constant it's barely noticeable anymore. We'll never be anything more than friends. I know that now. And somehow I don't really care. I do. But I don't. I guess I finally gave up. But it leaves me feeling so empty....

Oh well.