Sometimes people are so beautiful that it's painful to look at them.

Matt is a druggie with a major superiority complex. He's one of the most screwed-up people I know, and he doesn't give a damn about it. He's tall and too thin, with a bony face and protruding cheekbones. The goatee finishes it off; he looks like a doped up demon. I have no respect for him whatsoever.

But whenever I see him, it hurts in some deep place that even Jonathan couldn't reach. And I love Jonathan. I was in love with him.

Not that I love Matt. I don't even like him. But there's this incredible animal magnetism about him that no one seems to get but me. I wish I understood it, but no one can help me. All my friends hate him, and for good reason. They'd be horrified if they knew. Sometimes I think they'd be horrified if they knew a lot of things about me.